12/27

Feeling better rocks! So does being able to act independently again.
There are things I want to do, but I don't want to do them WITH anyone. I want to do them for me. And that is a whole new experience, but I really look forward to spending 2014 with myself. Really and truly with me and not with anyone or waiting for anyone. That is a beautiful thing!
I really do love that. Live Clean in 2014.

Thanks and stuff

I've been moving through some stuff stuff (technical term) since like May. It's been less than easy. But within the rough has been GREAT and AMAZING things that have allowed me to grow and move and really discover some things about who I am and lay to rest some things that no longer resonate. But it has been really rough at times. There is sad and there is loss to grieve, and it takes time. But all of it goes into the painting of what my life looks like right now... and what it looks like now is only a shade of what I'm making room for. This gives me hope. How things grow and evolve and how change (while sometimes painful and scary) is really a beautiful things because if things are shifting in the beautiful way now, I can't imagine how beautiful it will be in the future.

9/3 - Heart Guard

I'm trying to tell myself it's not cold hearted to be "done" with someone else's drama.

It's seriously a gross situation and I want nothing else to do with hit. Hence the blocking of the feed. It will help. Out of sight, out of mind. It's just tragic though!

One of the things I'm working on is... ok I'm working on A LOT, but one of the things I'm working on is not over identifying with anything and everything I come into contact with. Not everything I see on TV relates to what I'm going through or is a lesson on how to handle things.

I'm struggling to believe this WHOLE thing. I mean WHY? Let's just say healer Meg has left the building and I'm in full on confused Meg Mode. If someone treats you THAT BAD, if you had an abortion to avoid drama with this person, if they do nothing but step on you and treat you bad? WTF?! Why? Why keep going back to them.

But that is not a question I can answer. All I can do, is what I've done. Which is to take care of me in this and to disconnect, unplug, and limit my contact to it in the future. If any contact is needed I will gauge what to do when the time comes. 

It feels odd... blocking the feed and disengaging. I've done it with other people to avoid seeing negative things or being exposed to it. I think it's smart. I am responsible for what I expose myself to. And if I know that this is nothing but or source of icky feelings, I must Shield myself properly.

It's tough, though. I would say this is the hardest Detox of all!

Limiting and unplugging from social media. Deleting the app off of my phone. It's a great step.
Coming back into myself. There is nothing I'm missing. 

Distractions are a bit tough, But I've manage to contain and not reach out. I'm proud of that. 

Dinner with Tay at 6. That's ok with me. Just need to stay Whole30 while doing it. 

I think it's working. I feel good. A little lull here, but I'm ok. After my meeting I'll have some celery and sunbutter and I'll be good to go!

It's feels nice to be weeding the garden. Getting rid of the things that I don't want growing there. 

7/15/2013

I don't want to feel sorry for myself. But I can't lie and say it doesn't hurt.
The realization that I am so invested in something that could take me or leave me... is painful. Maybe it isn't that way, but this is the way it feels.
I try to reach out, I try to talk it out... I get iced out.
I'm sick of it. Man, it really does hurt.
I can't help but feel it's time for me to turn away from the ice and cold... walk a different direction.